Inbox zero for musicians is easy. Read your email when it arrives. Reply to it if you want to. Then delete it.

Simple.

The End of the World is upon us
So be careful in things that you do
And consider effects on the ones that you love
Cos the things that we said could come true
And we travel south for the winter
Yes, we’re leaving our problems behind
And if we had to admit, our excuses are shit
Well, one has to be cruel to be kind

I know you know the way I’m feeling
I know you feel the way I do
I know you know the way I’m thinking
I know you think the same things, too

So she runs away with a singer
She is happy to help him compose
Then one song is a hit and we’re all singing it
It’s the first one that they ever wrote
It’s called ‘All the World Loves a Winner’
And it fills people up with a hope
But look hard and you’ll find that what’s written inside
Is a message that’s meant as a joke

And meanwhile, the boy is all naked
He’s shaving the hairs on his prick
He’s proud of his work but the razor can hurt
So he’s eager to finish it quick
But his friend has been sick on the mirror
And his brother is half up the stairs
It’s a difficult job but he just cannot stop
Cos he knows he’ll be famous somewhere

(C) Davy Lawrence

‘80s superstar Phil Collins has said he has quit the music business for good.

The man behind hits like ‘In The Air Tonight’ and ‘Another Day In Paradise’, and the drummer for Band Aid’s ‘(Feed The World) Do They Know It’s Christmas’, added that he no longer ‘belongs to that world’.

“I look at the MTV Music Awards and I think, ‘I can’t be in the same business as this’,” he said.

“I don’t really belong to that world and I don’t think anyone’s going to miss me. I’m much happier just to write myself out of the script entirely.”

He also said that his success made people ‘want to strangle him’.

“It’s hardly surprising that people grew to hate me. I’m sorry that it was all so successful. I honestly didn’t mean it to happen like that.”

I know the feeling.

I can still remember that sunny day in 1977 when I bought the first issue of 2000 AD. Over a quarter of a century later I have returned.

It’s been a long time. Too long. But it feels good to be home. Very good.

I have just seen someone performing a strange looking dance move called fist pumping. The person in question was grimacing so hard that his neck was pulling his ears back.

Why do people behave like this?

Why, why, why?

Do they know how ridiculous they look?

The Enormous iPad 2 is ordered and on its way.

The dishwasher at Enormous HQ broke this morning so a plumber had to be found. A few telephone calls later and a very nice young man called Malcolm turned up with the requisite spanners and other things that I don’t understand.

5 minutes into our conversation, after learning about my chosen profession he began to share with me his views on the modern music buiness.

“All these nutters that give away their music for free need their heads read.”

He said.

“But giving music away for free can work if you use advertising in the places where people download it.”

I replied.

“Bollocks. That’s bollocks.”

He said.

He then began waving his spanner at me in a most ungentlemanly way and said,

“Making money from advertising while giving away your music is just like me fixing this dishwasher for free and then charging you money for my advice on the music business.”

Plumbers wisdom. Is there anything more accurate and succinct?