Bass Players

Babysitter Bassist Baby Issue

by Enormous on October 15, 2009

I was chatting to Walt, bassist with indie band The Babysitters yesterday. I have been trying to poach him for a few weeks now, using all my powers of manly seduction. I think Walt is a thoroughly agreeable chap and a very good musician – the kind of very good musician that would fit right into place in the Enormous line-up.

He has said before that he would love to join the band, but, apart from his duties with the Babysitters, he was telling me that his wife is due to give birth soon and that he would not really have the time or the energy to properly commit to Enormous. Stupid women. Stupid babies. What happened to rock ‘n’ roll?

Aside from his skills on the bass guitar, Walt is a clever and very witty man. I mentioned this to him during our conversation.

‘Yeah, bass players are traditionally regarded as being even dumber than drummers, aren’t they.’

‘That’s true, Walt,’ I told him. ‘And drummers, by definition, apart from being incredibly stupid, are also very, very annoying. All of them.’ I then remembered an old muso joke: ‘Hey, Walt, what did the bass player get on his IQ test?’

‘Tell me, Davy.’

‘Dribble.’

‘Ha, ha.’ Then he outdid me. ‘Here’s one for you that demonstrates the point even better.’

‘Go on, then.’

‘Did you hear about the drummer who arrived at the gig only to discover he had locked his keys in his car? It took him an hour to get the bass player out.’

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Auditions

by Enormous on September 10, 2009

Enormous are auditioning some splendid new bass players and keyboard players this weekend and next.

I’ll keep you posted if we have any news.

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Telling Teenage Fortunes

by Enormous on September 4, 2009

No.47

Due to your talent for offending people whilst trying to make them laugh, you will learn in later years to be more discriminating when opening your mouth.

Especially when, after not having had any contact with a certain bass player for twelve years, you hear on the grapevine that he detests you because of something you said to him one drunken afternoon in a recording studio in Stafford.

You will discover that you are not naturally reticent or taciturn.

Keeping your mouth shut will prove to be very difficult: a task that calls for all that a clumsy and socially imprudent individual such as yourself has of skill and address.

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Bass Player Acquired

by Enormous on July 11, 2008

I have an announcement to make:
Enormous now have a bass player. Yay!

His name is Steve.

During the rehearsal on Saturday, which was, in effect, an audition, it took only ten minutes and a quick run-through of That Girl Again and Let’s Run Away Together for Graham, Ash, Paul and me to realise that he was the man for the job.

So, the decision was made: he’s in. Steve has a new band and Enormous have a new bass player – and an incredibly talented one, at that.

Please join me in extending to him a big – no, an enormous – welcome. Welcome aboard, Mr Steve.

The search is now on to find a piano player. Anyone out there . . ?

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