No.58

You will pull a muscle in your back. It will really hurt.

You will go to see your doctor who will tell you this: ‘Don’t worry, you will feel better in a few years. However, at your age, it may never get better.’

You will feel old and depressed.

No.57
Your wife will be unfaithful to you. It will almost destroy you. Though you will never get the opportunity to tell her, you will forgive her.

Years later, you will make a clumsy reference to this in a song you will write called Still Believe. The lyric for the middle-eight section will be:

No, I can’t forget
And no, I can’t forgive
But I’ll try to accept
All those things I think you did

No.56
You will fall asleep in R.E. The teacher, Mr Hook, who looks like a baby-eating troll, will throw a King James bible at you. He will ask you this: ‘Having a nice dream, Lawrence? Would you like to share it with the class?’

To which you will reply: ‘I was dreaming about Jesus, sir.’ (You were actually dreaming about going to buy batteries for a man.)

As your teacher stares at you with undisguised hatred in his eyes, you will be overcome by a fit of yawning which you will suppress by coughing nervously and by scratching at your nose like a chimpanzee.

‘What do you want to do when you eventually grow up, boy?’ He will ask you.

This will be your reply: ‘Live in a windmill and solve crimes, sir.’

You will be put on detention for three weeks.

No.55
You will realise you left something behind. You will not be able to remember what it is. When you do, it will be too late to go back and get it.
(I went back to get mine only to discover that I had it with me all the time.)

No.53

When asked in later life if you have any regrets, this is what you will say: ‘None.’

This is what you will be thinking: ‘Fierce.’

No.52

An old girlfriend from your schooldays will e-mail you out of the blue saying: ‘I’m divorced now. We should go out for a drink sometime.’

Your anxiety attacks will start again.

No.51

You will be invited to a school reunion and decide not to go.