I saw Nigel in the village yesterday about to cross the road in front of an oncoming double-decker school bus.
I quickly grabbed his arm and manhandled him back on to the pavement.
‘Careful, Ian. We nearly lost you there.’
‘Ian?‘
‘Sorry, Nigel. I don’t know why I called you Ian.’
‘People often call me Ian, for some reason,’ he said, taking out the earplugs to his iPod. ‘And I can tell you, if ever I am in a room with someone called Ian, it literally causes chaos.’
‘Chaos?’
‘Literally.’
‘Crikey. Anyway, what are you listening to that nearly made you step in front of a bus?’
‘Marilyn Manson.’
‘Marilyn Manson?‘
‘He’s brilliant, isn’t he.’
‘Actually, I don’t really like him, Nigel. Not really. At all.’
‘You’re just envious of him, Davy. It’s obvious.’ He was grinning now as if he had discovered my deepest dark secret.
‘It’s not that, Nigel,’ I told him. ‘I don’t enjoy listening to music that sounds like it means me harm.’
‘He’s had a lot more success than you.’
‘True. He’s just been dropped by his record company, hasn’t he?’
‘No.’ (He has.)
‘Anyway, I must dash, Ian – sorry, Nigel. Once again, talking to you has left me feeling a little overexcited. I need a cup of tea and a nice sit-down.’
‘Whatever.’ He looked me in the eye. ‘And, erm . . . well, I’d like to say thank you. You saved my life there, you know.’
‘Well, nobody’s perfect, Ian.’
Tagged as:
Humour,
iPod,
Marilyn Manson,
Music