by Enormous on January 15, 2007
What was, until recently, a small cake shop on the High Street here in the small Derbyshire town that Audrey and I call home, is soon to open its doors as an office/shop/surgery belonging to the representatives, members and officials of the local British National Party.
It has robust metal shutters protecting the windows and door at the moment, but there is a colourful new sign above the entrance – decorated with several eye-catchingly glossy Union flags – that bears the legend ‘The BNP The Truth The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth.’ (sic)
Ours is a fairly parochial but rather close community that has never really benefited from any substantial redevelopment or government investment since the local coal-mining industry collapsed about 20 years ago. The presence of the BNP here is not a total shock, though it is a little surprising for such a small and friendly, rural village. Surprising to me, anyway – perhaps I am being slightly naïve. It wouldn’t be the first time.
So – what to do? Shall I wait for the doors to open in a few weeks’ time and step inside offering my trenchant views on their distasteful opinions and methods? With the high level of unemployment, low level of education and general fundamental, overall dissatisfaction of most of the people who live here, I would probably be wasting my time. It is a very sad fact, but any potential BNP canvassers would unfortunately be preaching mostly to the already converted, as it were.
Hey, Audrey, time for us to move on, methinks.
Tagged as:
Idiots,
Life,
Napoleon Fantastic's Big Mouth,
Politics,
Racism
by Enormous on December 20, 2006
by Enormous on December 17, 2006
While listening to various bands promote their singles on the radio recently, I have come to the conclusion that some remind me of several other acts:
The Feeling sound like Supertramp, or even worse, The Buggles;
Editors sound like Joy Division;
The Fratellis sound like Enormous;
Razorlight’s new single Before I Fall To Pieces sounds like they have been listening to American Girl by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers;
Same Jeans by The View sounds like the Proclaimers doing Brim Full Of Asha…
I could go on but I’m just being dumb.
Here are the songs getting the most plays on the stereogram chez Fantastic at the moment:
Secret Heart – Ron Sexsmith
Shelley My Love – Nick Lowe
Les Cactus – Jaques Dutronc
Pretty Little Painkiller – Enormous
(I Heard That) Lonesome Whistle – Hank Williams
Bridge – Orange Juice
After Hours – Nelson Galaxy
He Stopped Loving Her Today – George Jones
Mumbo Jumbo – Squeeze
The Middle – Jimmy Eat World
A Change Is Gonna Come – Sam Cooke
Out Of Town – The Skids
Tata!
Tagged as:
Bands,
Enormous,
Music,
Music Critisism,
Napoleon Fantastic's Big Mouth,
Nelson Galaxy
by Enormous on December 16, 2006
I bloody hate the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
Lately, I’ve been listening to XFM on the radio of a morning while I’m working out. The Chilli Peppers’ atrocious music is played at least twice every hour, much to my chagrin. (I tried switching to Virgin Radio but that was even worse.)
I really haven’t the slightest idea why people like them. I find their songs so unimaginative and, well, ordinary. The melody always follows the standard major chord changes, the lyrics are always parochial and dull, the sentiment in their songs is often dreary or impenetrable, and the performances of the band members are always very reliably unspectacular. I can find nothing special about them whatsoever; nothing that warrants the fact that they have such a large and devoted following.
It has been said many times before that I possess rather limited cerebral resources, I know. But I think I’m missing something quite fundamental here. If you know what it is, please enlighten me.
Tagged as:
Bands,
Music,
Music Critisism,
Napoleon Fantastic's Big Mouth
by Enormous on December 1, 2006
I bumped into my dear friend Nelson Galaxy in London at lunchtime today. He informed me that he is about to go into the studio to record an album of live acoustic numbers. Hurrah! Say I.
I was privileged to be present when he played some of his magnificent creations at a venue in the East End in August. His performance truly was mesmerising.
So look out for his album in the New Year – it’s going to be stunning. He says it will be ‘Nelson Galaxy stripped down and laid bare, raw and unpredictable.’ We all know that it will also be, of course, spectacularly glamorous.
I must say though, to my eyes, the dashing young buck is looking rather lean and wasted these days. Perhaps it’s the drugs. So many drugs…
I’m afraid it didn’t help when I invited him to spend an hour or two with me in the Candy Bar in Soho. We intended to eat lunch though I’m afraid to say we were only able to avail ourselves of several large, crystal vessels of the finest Courvoisier and afterwards, Nelson’s favourite snifter, Absinthe.
The afternoon reminded me rather tenderly of the precarious night we spent in Paris last year when I eventually found Nelson on the Champs-Elysées at 4am, unaccompanied and unclothed and kissing a horse.
Plus ca change…
Tagged as:
Bands,
Napoleon Fantastic's Big Mouth,
Nelson Galaxy
by Enormous on November 17, 2006
Many thanks to the mysterious force that is speeding up the expansion of the universe. Yes, I am well aware of the competing theories on the subject, but I must say I am wholly convinced that said force was universally responsible for drastically contracting the performance of We Are The World by Michael Jackson to only a few lines at the World Music Awards in London on Wednesday evening. And I know it is rather a dark matter, but boy, did I breathe a big sigh of relief.
So I say this: Thank you, dark energy.
Tagged as:
Annoyances,
Humour,
Music,
Napoleon Fantastic's Big Mouth
by Enormous on November 16, 2006
I read here that Oscar winner George Clooney has been named the ‘sexiest man alive’ by US magazine People. Pah! I’ve been writing to said magazine for weeks now with my suggestion as to whom the award should have gone. ‘Napoleon Fantastic – sexiest man alive,’ I’ve been saying. Never heard a peep from them!
(Maybe next year, eh, Napoleon? – sex/awards Ed.)
Tagged as:
Humour,
Napoleon Fantastic's Big Mouth,
Sex