Nelson Galaxy

Family Business

by Enormous on August 20, 2009

It’s just so bally busy around Enormous Towers at the moment. What ho!

One hasn’t had time to think, let alone write some agreeable nonsense to keep you all entertained. To this end – keeping you entertained – I have rooted out a rather jolly recording of me and Nelson Galaxy singing Family Business, an old Slaughterhouse 5 song that Enormous are planning to re-record at some point in the near future.

This acoustic version was recorded live one windy Autumn afternoon a couple of years ago in the studio control- room during one of Nelson’s increasingly infrequent visits. The tambourine was played – rather spiffingly, if you ask me – by Graham Boffey, the Enormous drummer.

It’s a close duet with Nelson taking the lower part and me the higher one. You can easily tell who is who. I’m the taller and better looking one.

Pip-pip!
[podcast]http://www.enormousreloaded.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Family-Business.mp3[/podcast]

Tagged as: , , , , , , ,

{ 2 comments }

The Jesus Diet

by Enormous on May 1, 2009

I hadn’t seen him in ages. He looked happy and was wearing a big smile and a rather brisk cologne.

‘Lovely morning, Davy.’

‘Yes it is, Reg. How are you?’

‘Putting on a bit of weight since Maria left me. She’s gone back to Italy.’ He gazed into the distance for a second before lifting up his arms and giving me a twirl: ‘Do you think I look fat in these jeans?’

‘Yes.’

‘Really?”

‘Yes.’

‘I’m on a diet. One of them new ones.’

‘Oh?’

‘It’s called the Jesus Diet. That Ginger Spice recommends it. Bread and fish – I can only eat bread and fish.’

‘It sounds wonderful.’

‘I know I’ll lose the weight: God is on my side.’

‘Mm.’

‘Got any plans for the summer? Going anywhere nice?’

‘Same as usual, Reg. I should think Nelson will be coming up from London and we’ll spend a week sitting in some of the local hostelries drinking warm beer that tastes like urine samples from circus animals and wondering why we can’t find girlfriends.’

‘Sounds like fun.’

‘Mm.’

‘Nelson Galaxy? Your brother? He’s one of them transvestites, isn’t he? Funny business, that.’

‘Yes, indeed he is. But it could have been worse; at least he isn’t a folk dancer or something.’

‘Does he ever take you to any of his funny clubs in London?’

‘He did once. I felt as out of place as a violinist in a jazz band.’

‘Well you would, wouldn’t you. Tee hee: violinist, jazz band – I like that. You’re a funny man, Mr Lawrence, a very funny man.’

‘Mm.’

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

{ 2 comments }

Gay Abandon

by Enormous on February 4, 2009

So it finally happened: Nelson Galaxy slept with a man.

I must say, it is rather exciting to have such a sexually emancipated character in the family, but I think he is feeling rather awkward about it now.

For Nelson, waking up with a hairy man in your bed is definitely an idea conceived in the abstract – or yet another embarrassing incident that can be blamed on the intemperate consumption of alcohol, but, either way, I am convinced he is on some kind of personal quest to redefine stupidity and heedless action. When one drinks as much as he does, anything can happen.

As for yours truly, all you hairy men can keep to your side of the universe and I’ll keep to mine.

The salty and challenging things that take place in Mr Galaxy’s life would never happen to someone as brutally heterosexual as me – as long, at least, as my sobriety does not falter.

That being said, I suppose I’m more of a tri-sexual kinda guy, really.

(I’ll try anything sexual.)

Tagged as: , , , , ,

{ 5 comments }

Again With The Klingons

by Enormous on January 16, 2009

I’ve just been chatting on the phone with Nelson Galaxy; he’s been going on about how excited he is about the forthcoming release of the new Star Trek film.

The film apparently is about a young space captain who suffers from cling-ons (don’t ask me – I’m not your typical sci-fi buff, unlike our Nelson).

I had to remind him of the summer we spent on the island of Rhodes about five years ago when he came down with a bad case of the cling-ons. He was having some serious problems with his back passage, if I recall, and it was ruining his holiday.

‘Piles,’ I informed him helpfully.

He eventually went to see a Greek doctor -  he could not bear the itching and soreness any longer – who did things with his finger that a grown man should never be allowed to do to another.

Cured his piles, though.

Tagged as: , , ,

{ 2 comments }

New Year's Revolution

by Enormous on January 2, 2009

Try not to faint: you are reading a blog post by someone who stayed in on on New Years Eve.

That’s right, you aren’t dreaming – Nelson Galaxy and I did not go out to the pub on New Years Eve. That’s a first for us.

Graham, the drummer from Enormous came round on Tuesday, the night before and the three of us went to the Devonshire Arms – the only pub in the village that was open for business – and proceeded to get incredibly drunk. As one does.

Then, in the day on NYE, Nelson and I worked hard in the studio on some of his new songs – not an easy job when one has a blazing hangover.

Thus it occurred, for the first time ever, at 7pm on New Years Eve, when I suggested to Nelson that we make a meal and stay in for a change, his reply was: ‘Good idea.’

How’s that?

Tagged as: , , , , ,

{ 6 comments }

Yule Be Seeing Me

by Enormous on December 19, 2008

It’s Christmas!

See you in two weeks; I’m having a break. I’m going to indulge myself with the finest wines and Belgian chocolate and dozens of sexy gorgeous women.

Yeah, right. (Well, you never know: there are other dimensions – Christmas Fantasy Ed.)

I’ll probably be sat in the Villager pub with Nelson trying to ignore the toothless hags on the karaoke machine.

And then we’ll be the two drunks staggering home in tandem on Boxing Day that you used to see when you were twelve years-old, wondering what it was like to be all grown up.

Tagged as: , , ,

{ 4 comments }

Christmas Is Coming

by Enormous on December 3, 2008

Once again the festive season is nearly upon us one and all. Hurrah!

I will have my bottle of sherry, Audrey her special chews made from cows’ eyes and Nelson will be here, ostensibly to do some recording in the studio, but mostly for his annual yuletide drunkening with his big brother.

I have threatened to try to curb his fervent alcoholic antics this year.

I remember last Christmas when, searching for a rough little provincial lassie to seduce, he dragged me to the Schoolhouse Restaurant-and-Wine-Bar in the village. We got so drunk that at one stage Nelson actually disappeared into another dimension.

I enlisted the help of one of the attractive barmaids and after an extensive search which lasted about twenty minutes – it would have been quicker had I not insisted on making an initial sweep of the unoccupied guest bedrooms – found him in the kitchen where he was trying to de-gay himself with a microwave oven and a roll of greaseproof paper.

Tagged as: , , ,

{ 3 comments }

← Previous Entries