by Enormous on January 7, 2009
No.31
Whilst taking the class through a reading of the Book of Genesis, your Religious Education teacher will turn to you and inquire: ‘Literally speaking, how do you read these first verses?’
You will answer him thus: ‘Literally speaking, I read them with my eyes, sir.’
He will then ask you this: ‘Are you being sarcastic?’
To which you will reply: ‘Only literally, sir.’
Later that day you will find yourself having to report to the headmaster for ‘gross insubordination’ and ‘disruption of the class’.
Tagged as:
Bible,
Education,
Genesis,
Humour,
Religion,
School,
Teenagers,
Telling Teenage Fortunes
by Enormous on November 14, 2008
by Enormous on September 1, 2008
No.22
Your art and drama teacher will tell you he fancies your girlfriend.
You will not know how to react to this apart from telling him: ‘Well, that’s alarmingly honest of you, sir.’
You will, however, by some miracle of sympathy, know exactly how he feels.
Tagged as:
School,
Telling Teenage Fortunes
by Enormous on August 11, 2008
No.20
Your French teacher who stinks of Brut will proclaim to the class that he thinks you are ‘about as clever as a box of hair’.
This will have everybody giggling into their copies of Candide for at least five minutes.
You will say this in reply: nothing.
On the Fantastic hi-fi today:
Wait For Me – The Pigeon Detectives
Tagged as:
School,
Telling Teenage Fortunes
by Enormous on July 18, 2008
No.19
You will refuse to participate in a game of ‘murderball’ during an afternoon PE class taken by your least favourite games teacher-sadist, preferring instead to go home and listen to the new Clash and Sex Pistols albums.
As a punishment, you will receive ten days of after-school detention which you will elect to not attend. The head of sixth-form will write a letter to your parents.
You will always wonder whether you did the right thing. You will have a recurring dream about this in later life.
Tagged as:
Guilt,
School,
Sex Pistols,
Telling Teenage Fortunes,
The Clash
by Enormous on June 12, 2008
No.18
An ugly Eng. Lit. teacher with bad breath and spectacles from Coca-Cola will accuse you of being ‘the most arrogant person in the world’.
She will not be aware, however, that what she took to be youthful arrogance is in fact abject insecurity.
Tagged as:
School,
Telling Teenage Fortunes
by Enormous on April 24, 2008
Audrey and I passed a small group of teachers with placards outside the Brigg Junior School this morning. They are striking for a better pay deal.
They had a very catchy chant: ‘What do we want?’ ‘More money!’ ‘When do we want it?’ ‘NOW!’ If you ask me, that is a very reasonable demand and one that anybody can sympathise with. I know I can.
One of the teachers had a very pronounced astigmatism – I have mentioned her before – and she seemed to be yelling directly at me, as if I could do something to help her in her financial plight. I am fairly certain, however, that she was in fact looking somewhere else entirely, but it did make me feel rather self-conscious and uncomfortable as we hurried by.
I have heard that the children in her class are always badly behaved and often make fun of her unfortunate ocular disability. This comes as no surprise of course, because it is a well known fact that cross-eyed teachers find it hard to control their pupils.
Tagged as:
Money,
Politics,
School,
Teaching